Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
