White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
