Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
