I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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