He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
