i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
