taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
