You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
