Moan for me like Helen Keller
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
