My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
