he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
