Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
