Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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