OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
