i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
