the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
