Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
