I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
