one two three fourrrrnication!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
