after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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