Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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