i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
