I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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