i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
