I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
