Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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