Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
