haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
