it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im six kinds of drunk right now
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
