I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
