No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Less talking, more tequila
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
