the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
