My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
