YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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