time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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