i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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