well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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