dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You're like the curious george of whores
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
