upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
