I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
