please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize