I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A+ Viking dick
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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