I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
