At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
