Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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