if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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