I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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