"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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