Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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