Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
