I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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