I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh god the rape fog is back!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
