you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have fence marks all over my body
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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