he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
