Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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