I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
