Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
