3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
