drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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