What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
