when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
