I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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