thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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