I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
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This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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