WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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