she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
