Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
