Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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