Can i not drive my cunt home
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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