you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He? As in you personified your dick?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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