at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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