ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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