Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
