I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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