my vag is so smooth its legendary
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
