just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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